Month: March 2013

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FaceBook facing up to who I am…

When I found out about Nancy Doyle’s company that supports, assesses and coaches people who are neurodiverse (ND) – GeniusWithin Ltd – I have to confess my emotional rollercoaster response took me aback.

I experienced joy, envy,  excitement and self-recrimination and my thoughts went something like this:

“It’s great that someone is promoting the Genius that is within people like me!  I wish I had built up that company, missed the boat now. They could even help me perhaps, that’s great! Why didn’t I build up something like that then, procrastinating again obviously. Need to do better.”

GeniusWithin Ltd’s FaceBook page http://www.facebook.com/GeniusWithinLtd?ref=ts&fref=ts shows a diagram of the positive attributes that may be found in people with a particular neurodiverse profile (from Mary Colley’s DANDA Venn diagram of the ND spectrum of difficulties).

(Thinks: “Why didn’t I think of doing that?” )

Anyone astute enough can see I do a good line in self criticism… even after all these years of personal development,  spiritual mentoring, counselling, supervision and coaching…  Sigh…

The title of a still relevant and useful but now very old book, says it all:  “Excuse me… Your Rejection Is Showing”.  (Noel and Phyl Gibson, 1990. Published by  Freedom In Christ Ministries Trust: Drummoyne, Australia).

I do have an early background of being (or feeling) rejected and/or abandoned.  One feels that after more than 30 years of working on the tendency to protect myself against being rejected again, feeling I don’t make the grade no matter how hard I work blah blah blah… bleat bleat bleat!  (no wonder humans were likened to sheep in the Bible…)

With a red face I recall that during the late 1990’s and early years in the new millenium, I wrote articles for Woman Alive magazine on related subjects: “Price of Perfection”; “Curse of Comparison”; “Do You Walk by Faith – or Limp” and “Mind Body and Spirit” (a few others too).

The one I notice I didn’t get round to finishing and get published had the working title: “Reject.”  The whole subject was linked in my mind to the children’s TV programme of the late 1980’s to mid 1990’s, “The Raggy Dolls”.

See http://http://www.classickidstv.co.uk/wiki/The_Raggy_Dolls

These toys were stamped ‘reject’ and thrown down the reject shute  because of various manufacturing faults. Yet they had really special adventures, were interesting characters despite not been stamped ‘accepted’ and supported one another.

The last chorus of the series’ song goes:

“It’s not much of a life when you’re just a pretty face. Just to be whoever you are is no disgrace. Don’t be scared if you don’t fit in, look who’s in the reject bin. It’s the Raggy Dolls, Raggy Dolls, dolls like you and me”

Perhaps I never finished writing the article not because I procrastinated (although that would be a possibility…) but because I wasn’t ‘brewed’ enough yet, I still struggled to put the “Accepted” label on myself.

GeniusWithin’s diagram of positive attributes for my particular ND profile (ADHD – I, dyspraxia, mild dyslexia and occassional Asperger type characteristics) indicates my attributes as

innovation, rapport, awareness of others, creative abilities, novel thinking, energy and passion, visual thinking, more creative abilities, connecting ideas, at times concentration and fine detail processing.

I posted that list on their comments box and commented excitedly: “I’m like an exotic flower in a bouquet of daisies. ” 

They posted back:

Yesss!!  what a lovely affirmation (Nancy does know me by the way)  ACCEPTED!

So, I make a decision today to accept myself (even if no one else does) and see that just because, like The Raggy Dolls, they didn’t fit someone’s criteria of acceptance,

 I AM ACCEPTABLE TO ME AND THE ONE WHO MADE ME!

 Everyone else: “Get over it!”

ANY OTHER ‘RAGGY DOLLS’ OUT THERE WANT TO JOIN ME?

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“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”

► 2:47► 2:4

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pki6jbSbXIY
Apr 20, 2006 – Uploaded by Osku

Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the ring (2001) official theatrical trailer http://imdb. com/title ..

In a scene in the film version of Tolkien’s “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” Gandalf and Frodo sit in the Mines of Moriah. Gandalf has forgotten the path they need to take and the fellowship are sitting in this gloomy place waiting for him to remember.

Frodo has been injured by a blade from Mordor and, although healed from the blade’s dark poison by the Elfs (Tolkien’s spelling) in Rivendell, the injury will never completely heal. Sitting in the dark gives Frodo time to think, to reflect on the dangers that his quest to destroy the ring of power has brought his friends and companions into. The burden of the dark Lord’s ring adds to his depression.

He confides in Gandalf, “I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.”

Gandalf looks kindly at Frodo and smiles.

“So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

There are other forces at work besides evil. Bilbo was meant to find the ring, in which case you also were meant to have it… And that is an encouraging thought…”

Gandalf then remembers the way they need to take…

No matter how many times I watch the film – yes, I LOVE films! – I still feel uplifted by Gandalf’s words.  

I can’t find them in Tolkien’s book but I guess the script writer (who was he/she?) took the guts of the story and this scene describes how Gandalf played a vital part in helping Frodo – and the others in the fellowship – keep going even in the darkest places.

Do you have people like that in your life? Whenever you feel really low and feel like chucking in whatever project you are undertaking, giving up on achieving the goals you have set yourself, they will have just the right words to say to you.

I don’t mean the ‘pull yourself together!’ brigade…  (you know who you are!).  I mean the person who will be there with you in the feelings, who will allow you to express the emotions that are overwhelming you, maybe hold your hand or just be ‘present’ with you in the moment.

Then somehow they bring a new perspective, help you to see things from a new angle, shine a new light on your experience…   and your clouds blow away, the heaviness lifts and you can stand straighter, walk taller and smile again.

They may not necessarily be a trained counselor,  coach or mentor.  There are people in the world who seem to be truly empathetic and have the gift of encouragement and insight.  Some people may have experienced more of life’s difficulties, trials and tribulations than is imaginable and have come out the other side with wisdom beyond their years. 

However, whether we LISTEN to these ‘angels in training’ though is our decision.

I remember a time when I was suffering from clinical depression and anxiety illness (triggered off by a combination overwork and going through the menopause: hormonal imbalances are NASTY!).  I did decide to listen to my Gandalfs, but I had to wait for medication and rest before I could act on my decisions.

Some people may be in a position where they would rather CHOOSE to feel weighed down rather than DECIDE to accept those insights and BE ENCOURAGED.  Maybe its their ‘Eeyore’ personality type or maybe they see benefits to being perpetually down and depressed?  

Cognitive Behavioural Therapists and Coaches will encourage clients to evaluate the pros and cons of the likely consequences of making changes in their lives. Such honesty can reveal that it may not be the right time for that person to make changes yet – they see more benefits to staying where they are, doing what they have always done, seeing how they have always seen…  Another time perhaps?

But if there ARE beneficial consequences that can ensue from making a decision to change and we are in a place to act?  We could SOAR like an eagle rather than flap along the ground!

It is true that we can’t choose the time we live in, we but we can choose to decide what to do with the time we have.  We can recognise ‘the way out’ –

I want to send my thanks to my ‘Gandalfs’ – you know who you are and you are brilliant!  I hope I can be a Gandalf to those who come my way as you have been to me. Mwah!

Thanks to all those who are ‘Gandalfs’ out there in the world – we need you desperately in these times…