Mental health

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Analysis Paralysis under the duvet

My duvet – the one I was under..

Packing…errands…sorting… exercise… healthy eating choices…

communications… personal development… professional work…

Aarrgghhhh! Back under the duvet…

 

 

 

I began to think, “I can’t stay here all day!”   So I Googled how I felt (as you do)… Came up with this blog by Becky Kane:

The Science of Analysis Paralysis: How Overthinking Kills Your Productivity & What You Can Do About It

https://blog.todoist.com/2015/07/08/analysis-paralysis-and-your-productivity/

A good read,  well placed resarch to back up the article, great visuals, and…

Practical suggestions of how to overcome the problem.  Excellent!

One that really helps me is this tip:

“The next time you catch yourself thinking over a particularly issue again and again, schedule a meeting with a coworker, supervisor, mentor, or friend.”

Sometime if I am on my own, and paralysed by ‘all this to do’ I will write to myself.  Writing to God is even more helpful. Did  you know He likes conversations as well as prayers?  Well, He does.

My husband, Brian, is a master of thinking simply – no he’s not ‘simple’!  He is able to clarify what needs to be done and then does it.  I am the more creative thinker and communicator but can be stymied by overthinking.  If he is around, then I can present my ‘all this to do’ frantic thinking and obtain his simplicity of thought.

Blog writing is good for people like me.  So much going on in my brain how to start an article, that book, that project…  Never get round to it.  But a blog? I can take the Nike approach:  just do it!

Another of Kate’s tips:

Structure your day for the things that matter most.

Hmm… Ah!  Get up and get going!

Just about to get out from under the duvet…

Have a good day everyone!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Boiling frog syndrome… Yup, I got hot (or why I need to rehab myself).

It is true – it IS a psychological syndrome!  who knew!  I shouldn’t be cynical – I am still a psychologist.

The story of how the poor amphibian was enjoying its tepid bath and stayed so long it didn’t notice the water getting hotter and hotter until it was boiling alive, is also termed a ‘parable’ by Wiki wonderland.   If the frog was thrown into the boiling water it would jump out.

This syndrome or parable came to my mind when I realised that I was having health and well-being issues again.  I didn’t see how bad it had become till I was struggling enough to call a halt and shout help so I could ‘rehab’ my self and my life.

It was just easier for me to just keep going enough to manage the stresses and strains of impending relocation,  possible retirement, spouse’s health issues, adult children needing support, poorly grandchildren.  I had already stepped down from one on one counselling or coaching so at least in that I had identified I wasn’t functioning at the level I had been.

Changing seasons in the UK mean changing the type of clothes you wear. The cottons and linens get put away or kept somewhere on hand in case of a winter sun getaway. Sandals make way for boots and heavy shoes.  It was the fitted winter clothes that were far too tight around the middle that alerted me to exactly how much my girth had increased.

Most of us know these days that a real ‘baddie’ is fat round your middle.  Even when I was thinner I didn’t have much of a waist but when even jeggings get hard work to put on… well….

I know the theory of healthy living.  I watch documentaries, have studied the biological basis of psychology, human physiology.  I have been a returner to a certain weight watching program, counting whatever points they say I should.  The latter has changed over the years as updated research on weight loss suggests different balances for proteins, fats and sugars can assist in losing the pounds.

It is the stress and pressure that sends me into the mindset of ‘survival at all costs mode never mind the flippin’ points and I havent got time to go to the loo let alone exercise’. Just bring on the tea and cake – now!  I need to keep going…

It is generally agreed that some stress is good.  I have known someone get ill from a kind of boredom sickness.  No motivation and not enough to interest them in life.  I know that we get good input from being active and gaining achievements.  I am also aware that that needs to be balanced with feeling connected, being a part of something and giving yourself comfort and care.

This balance is very well described by Paul Gilbert, who wrote The Compassionate Mind and Compassion Focussed Therapy.   Likewise, ‘moderation in all things’ is one of those quotes where “I hear what you are saying” but struggle to implement the concept in my life.

I am just not designed that way.  I have a neurodiverse profile, a quick mind, I see things in insights, am better at leaping forwards towards a perceived outcome than following a process.  I take it up with God on a regular basis: “You made me this way!”   He smiles back and almost winks, “Yes, but I didn’t design the lifestyle you have apparently chosen.”

Did I choose the way I have been living, or, like my poor friend the frog, did I just let it get hotter and hotter till it was scalding me?

In moving house, as well as all my books and papers, I can see that I have brought my “stressed lifestyle” choices with me.

I have more things to sort out post move, but not things or stuff.  Rather, what choices and habits do I keep and what do I dump?  What needs a fresh approach, a change of mindset?

These questions are all part of the ‘rehab’ process… and I need to remember it is a PROCESS.  I cannot leap to the end but will walk the path step by step, seeking to enjoy each one.

Enjoy your path and journey!  See you later …

 

 

 

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Rehab – no no no!

Okay don’t panic folks – life rehab not drugs.  Although many things that seem innocuously themselves,  I may use as crutches during difficult times: decaf coffee, red bush tea, low cal breakfast bars,  quaffing grapes (raw and a glass of the fermented type with dinner), reading improving books, educational TV documentaries, going to church, listening to spiritual development teaching…  

It is all about balance and I have gotten out of balance. 

Rehabilitation has many connotations – mostly negative.  Sadly Amy Winehouse, writer of the song of my title,  didn’t manage life balance or rehabilitation.  Tragic waste of talent in her life cut short.  I spent two weeks on an arthritis and joint problem rehab course January two years ago.  Life got so busy  and intense after that I didn’t really get the benefit I should have.  My outcome wasn’t as final as Amy’s but I did end up much where I started.

Since then many loose ends have been tidied up: best beloved has two new hips and a resorted eye lens, we have sold up and moved house, I have retired and come out of retirement into consultancy and writing again.  Another grandchild arrived to bring the total to 16 – 8 of each sort now.   We are delighted with our new home (a separate office for him and me – most important), its location on the coast, the ease of living in a house designed for modern living.  Yes, we loved the Old Toll House and using it as a retreat facility.  However the older grandchildren were getting larger and the smaller ones more mobile and I needed to keep an eye and ear out for them.  A more open plan downstairs became essential.  A larger kitchen helped with the irritation of, ‘you’re in my space again!’

However the time of transition and changes have left me with dodgy joints, an overweight unfit body and the old anxiety and stress levels have risen…  

I recognise it is time to mentally’roll my sleeves up’: get back to the remedial exercises, start swimming and Pilates again, remember to take vitamin D supplements (there seems to be a genetic tendency to get low on this baby) and then address the dreaded Irritable Bowel Syndrome.  I researched the nutritional issues which may be upsetting the gut causing the dreaded bloating and mid section weight gain of stress and hormone related IBS.

The nutritionalist lady I spoke to asked, 

“When were you first diagnosed?”  Can you believe over 30 years ago!  

“Have I tried …. ”    Yes I have – everything!  Don’t get me started…

This well qualified and very sensible lady said she didn’t want me to tackle gut and diet problems if it was going to make me more stressed.   Not turning down a client but making sure the time was right.   I was impressed.   She was right.  I am having dental work done, getting used to exercising again, we are travelling to Africa shortly, then it is Christmas with the family visits round the country… Put something else into that mix and the result may not be pretty.

Rehab of any sort is a process.  It can be tiring.  It takes energy, focus and commitment.  You can’t wish it away to be at the end.  It is the process that makes the change not looking forever and wistfully at the longed for outcome.  I am always nagging my clients to ‘focus on the process NOT the outcome’. 

I am on the way to rehabilitating my mind, body, gut and spirit… I am on a new journey.  One step at a time.  

I will let you know how it goes!

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what do I ‘do’?

I am in the process of re-organising my files, books, papers, computer files and all the material I have collected over the last 16 years in this home, plus the ‘stuff’ that came with me in the previous four moves.

I always find it hard to make up a file title let alone a snappy title for an article, blog piece or book.  Definitions of words have to be checked out for my ideas and they can often give a clue to something quite profound.

My journal writing files are full of typed documents, scribbling, sketches, photos, film clips and music.  How did someone who wasn’t much of a writer at school come to begin pouring out poetry and prose when I was coming up for thirty years old?

Therapy.  Therapeutic. Downloading swirling emotions into words and drawings and onto pages. Better out than in.  Better than clogging up my inner world.

I found this link whilst trawling the internet: http://welldoing.org/article/expressive-writing-for-mental-wellbeing

It was a blog post published Feb 27, 2015 by Dennis Relojo with tags of  anxiety, creativity, depression, wellbeing.
I get anxious, depressed, I am creative and am attempting some form of wellbeing by writing to aid my mental health.
Thank you Dennis Relojo for being able to explain what I ‘do’ and what I have been doing for 35 years!

 

 

recommended: To Let Go Takes Love – a beautiful poem about the power of letting go
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recommended: To Let Go Takes Love – a beautiful poem about the power of letting go

This is one of my most treasured poems and has helped me through many times when I wanted to cling on to someone, something, or some aspect of myself that needed to change. Charles Swindoll’s book The Grace Awakening was a revelation to me when I first read it years ago. It is one I try and re-read every so often just to make sure I am living Grace-fully to myself and others.

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FaceBook facing up to who I am…

When I found out about Nancy Doyle’s company that supports, assesses and coaches people who are neurodiverse (ND) – GeniusWithin Ltd – I have to confess my emotional rollercoaster response took me aback.

I experienced joy, envy,  excitement and self-recrimination and my thoughts went something like this:

“It’s great that someone is promoting the Genius that is within people like me!  I wish I had built up that company, missed the boat now. They could even help me perhaps, that’s great! Why didn’t I build up something like that then, procrastinating again obviously. Need to do better.”

GeniusWithin Ltd’s FaceBook page http://www.facebook.com/GeniusWithinLtd?ref=ts&fref=ts shows a diagram of the positive attributes that may be found in people with a particular neurodiverse profile (from Mary Colley’s DANDA Venn diagram of the ND spectrum of difficulties).

(Thinks: “Why didn’t I think of doing that?” )

Anyone astute enough can see I do a good line in self criticism… even after all these years of personal development,  spiritual mentoring, counselling, supervision and coaching…  Sigh…

The title of a still relevant and useful but now very old book, says it all:  “Excuse me… Your Rejection Is Showing”.  (Noel and Phyl Gibson, 1990. Published by  Freedom In Christ Ministries Trust: Drummoyne, Australia).

I do have an early background of being (or feeling) rejected and/or abandoned.  One feels that after more than 30 years of working on the tendency to protect myself against being rejected again, feeling I don’t make the grade no matter how hard I work blah blah blah… bleat bleat bleat!  (no wonder humans were likened to sheep in the Bible…)

With a red face I recall that during the late 1990’s and early years in the new millenium, I wrote articles for Woman Alive magazine on related subjects: “Price of Perfection”; “Curse of Comparison”; “Do You Walk by Faith – or Limp” and “Mind Body and Spirit” (a few others too).

The one I notice I didn’t get round to finishing and get published had the working title: “Reject.”  The whole subject was linked in my mind to the children’s TV programme of the late 1980’s to mid 1990’s, “The Raggy Dolls”.

See http://http://www.classickidstv.co.uk/wiki/The_Raggy_Dolls

These toys were stamped ‘reject’ and thrown down the reject shute  because of various manufacturing faults. Yet they had really special adventures, were interesting characters despite not been stamped ‘accepted’ and supported one another.

The last chorus of the series’ song goes:

“It’s not much of a life when you’re just a pretty face. Just to be whoever you are is no disgrace. Don’t be scared if you don’t fit in, look who’s in the reject bin. It’s the Raggy Dolls, Raggy Dolls, dolls like you and me”

Perhaps I never finished writing the article not because I procrastinated (although that would be a possibility…) but because I wasn’t ‘brewed’ enough yet, I still struggled to put the “Accepted” label on myself.

GeniusWithin’s diagram of positive attributes for my particular ND profile (ADHD – I, dyspraxia, mild dyslexia and occassional Asperger type characteristics) indicates my attributes as

innovation, rapport, awareness of others, creative abilities, novel thinking, energy and passion, visual thinking, more creative abilities, connecting ideas, at times concentration and fine detail processing.

I posted that list on their comments box and commented excitedly: “I’m like an exotic flower in a bouquet of daisies. ” 

They posted back:

Yesss!!  what a lovely affirmation (Nancy does know me by the way)  ACCEPTED!

So, I make a decision today to accept myself (even if no one else does) and see that just because, like The Raggy Dolls, they didn’t fit someone’s criteria of acceptance,

 I AM ACCEPTABLE TO ME AND THE ONE WHO MADE ME!

 Everyone else: “Get over it!”

ANY OTHER ‘RAGGY DOLLS’ OUT THERE WANT TO JOIN ME?

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“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”

► 2:47► 2:4

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pki6jbSbXIY
Apr 20, 2006 – Uploaded by Osku

Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the ring (2001) official theatrical trailer http://imdb. com/title ..

In a scene in the film version of Tolkien’s “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” Gandalf and Frodo sit in the Mines of Moriah. Gandalf has forgotten the path they need to take and the fellowship are sitting in this gloomy place waiting for him to remember.

Frodo has been injured by a blade from Mordor and, although healed from the blade’s dark poison by the Elfs (Tolkien’s spelling) in Rivendell, the injury will never completely heal. Sitting in the dark gives Frodo time to think, to reflect on the dangers that his quest to destroy the ring of power has brought his friends and companions into. The burden of the dark Lord’s ring adds to his depression.

He confides in Gandalf, “I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.”

Gandalf looks kindly at Frodo and smiles.

“So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

There are other forces at work besides evil. Bilbo was meant to find the ring, in which case you also were meant to have it… And that is an encouraging thought…”

Gandalf then remembers the way they need to take…

No matter how many times I watch the film – yes, I LOVE films! – I still feel uplifted by Gandalf’s words.  

I can’t find them in Tolkien’s book but I guess the script writer (who was he/she?) took the guts of the story and this scene describes how Gandalf played a vital part in helping Frodo – and the others in the fellowship – keep going even in the darkest places.

Do you have people like that in your life? Whenever you feel really low and feel like chucking in whatever project you are undertaking, giving up on achieving the goals you have set yourself, they will have just the right words to say to you.

I don’t mean the ‘pull yourself together!’ brigade…  (you know who you are!).  I mean the person who will be there with you in the feelings, who will allow you to express the emotions that are overwhelming you, maybe hold your hand or just be ‘present’ with you in the moment.

Then somehow they bring a new perspective, help you to see things from a new angle, shine a new light on your experience…   and your clouds blow away, the heaviness lifts and you can stand straighter, walk taller and smile again.

They may not necessarily be a trained counselor,  coach or mentor.  There are people in the world who seem to be truly empathetic and have the gift of encouragement and insight.  Some people may have experienced more of life’s difficulties, trials and tribulations than is imaginable and have come out the other side with wisdom beyond their years. 

However, whether we LISTEN to these ‘angels in training’ though is our decision.

I remember a time when I was suffering from clinical depression and anxiety illness (triggered off by a combination overwork and going through the menopause: hormonal imbalances are NASTY!).  I did decide to listen to my Gandalfs, but I had to wait for medication and rest before I could act on my decisions.

Some people may be in a position where they would rather CHOOSE to feel weighed down rather than DECIDE to accept those insights and BE ENCOURAGED.  Maybe its their ‘Eeyore’ personality type or maybe they see benefits to being perpetually down and depressed?  

Cognitive Behavioural Therapists and Coaches will encourage clients to evaluate the pros and cons of the likely consequences of making changes in their lives. Such honesty can reveal that it may not be the right time for that person to make changes yet – they see more benefits to staying where they are, doing what they have always done, seeing how they have always seen…  Another time perhaps?

But if there ARE beneficial consequences that can ensue from making a decision to change and we are in a place to act?  We could SOAR like an eagle rather than flap along the ground!

It is true that we can’t choose the time we live in, we but we can choose to decide what to do with the time we have.  We can recognise ‘the way out’ –

I want to send my thanks to my ‘Gandalfs’ – you know who you are and you are brilliant!  I hope I can be a Gandalf to those who come my way as you have been to me. Mwah!

Thanks to all those who are ‘Gandalfs’ out there in the world – we need you desperately in these times…