anxiety

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Boiling frog syndrome… Yup, I got hot (or why I need to rehab myself).

It is true – it IS a psychological syndrome!  who knew!  I shouldn’t be cynical – I am still a psychologist.

The story of how the poor amphibian was enjoying its tepid bath and stayed so long it didn’t notice the water getting hotter and hotter until it was boiling alive, is also termed a ‘parable’ by Wiki wonderland.   If the frog was thrown into the boiling water it would jump out.

This syndrome or parable came to my mind when I realised that I was having health and well-being issues again.  I didn’t see how bad it had become till I was struggling enough to call a halt and shout help so I could ‘rehab’ my self and my life.

It was just easier for me to just keep going enough to manage the stresses and strains of impending relocation,  possible retirement, spouse’s health issues, adult children needing support, poorly grandchildren.  I had already stepped down from one on one counselling or coaching so at least in that I had identified I wasn’t functioning at the level I had been.

Changing seasons in the UK mean changing the type of clothes you wear. The cottons and linens get put away or kept somewhere on hand in case of a winter sun getaway. Sandals make way for boots and heavy shoes.  It was the fitted winter clothes that were far too tight around the middle that alerted me to exactly how much my girth had increased.

Most of us know these days that a real ‘baddie’ is fat round your middle.  Even when I was thinner I didn’t have much of a waist but when even jeggings get hard work to put on… well….

I know the theory of healthy living.  I watch documentaries, have studied the biological basis of psychology, human physiology.  I have been a returner to a certain weight watching program, counting whatever points they say I should.  The latter has changed over the years as updated research on weight loss suggests different balances for proteins, fats and sugars can assist in losing the pounds.

It is the stress and pressure that sends me into the mindset of ‘survival at all costs mode never mind the flippin’ points and I havent got time to go to the loo let alone exercise’. Just bring on the tea and cake – now!  I need to keep going…

It is generally agreed that some stress is good.  I have known someone get ill from a kind of boredom sickness.  No motivation and not enough to interest them in life.  I know that we get good input from being active and gaining achievements.  I am also aware that that needs to be balanced with feeling connected, being a part of something and giving yourself comfort and care.

This balance is very well described by Paul Gilbert, who wrote The Compassionate Mind and Compassion Focussed Therapy.   Likewise, ‘moderation in all things’ is one of those quotes where “I hear what you are saying” but struggle to implement the concept in my life.

I am just not designed that way.  I have a neurodiverse profile, a quick mind, I see things in insights, am better at leaping forwards towards a perceived outcome than following a process.  I take it up with God on a regular basis: “You made me this way!”   He smiles back and almost winks, “Yes, but I didn’t design the lifestyle you have apparently chosen.”

Did I choose the way I have been living, or, like my poor friend the frog, did I just let it get hotter and hotter till it was scalding me?

In moving house, as well as all my books and papers, I can see that I have brought my “stressed lifestyle” choices with me.

I have more things to sort out post move, but not things or stuff.  Rather, what choices and habits do I keep and what do I dump?  What needs a fresh approach, a change of mindset?

These questions are all part of the ‘rehab’ process… and I need to remember it is a PROCESS.  I cannot leap to the end but will walk the path step by step, seeking to enjoy each one.

Enjoy your path and journey!  See you later …

 

 

 

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Rehab – no no no!

Okay don’t panic folks – life rehab not drugs.  Although many things that seem innocuously themselves,  I may use as crutches during difficult times: decaf coffee, red bush tea, low cal breakfast bars,  quaffing grapes (raw and a glass of the fermented type with dinner), reading improving books, educational TV documentaries, going to church, listening to spiritual development teaching…  

It is all about balance and I have gotten out of balance. 

Rehabilitation has many connotations – mostly negative.  Sadly Amy Winehouse, writer of the song of my title,  didn’t manage life balance or rehabilitation.  Tragic waste of talent in her life cut short.  I spent two weeks on an arthritis and joint problem rehab course January two years ago.  Life got so busy  and intense after that I didn’t really get the benefit I should have.  My outcome wasn’t as final as Amy’s but I did end up much where I started.

Since then many loose ends have been tidied up: best beloved has two new hips and a resorted eye lens, we have sold up and moved house, I have retired and come out of retirement into consultancy and writing again.  Another grandchild arrived to bring the total to 16 – 8 of each sort now.   We are delighted with our new home (a separate office for him and me – most important), its location on the coast, the ease of living in a house designed for modern living.  Yes, we loved the Old Toll House and using it as a retreat facility.  However the older grandchildren were getting larger and the smaller ones more mobile and I needed to keep an eye and ear out for them.  A more open plan downstairs became essential.  A larger kitchen helped with the irritation of, ‘you’re in my space again!’

However the time of transition and changes have left me with dodgy joints, an overweight unfit body and the old anxiety and stress levels have risen…  

I recognise it is time to mentally’roll my sleeves up’: get back to the remedial exercises, start swimming and Pilates again, remember to take vitamin D supplements (there seems to be a genetic tendency to get low on this baby) and then address the dreaded Irritable Bowel Syndrome.  I researched the nutritional issues which may be upsetting the gut causing the dreaded bloating and mid section weight gain of stress and hormone related IBS.

The nutritionalist lady I spoke to asked, 

“When were you first diagnosed?”  Can you believe over 30 years ago!  

“Have I tried …. ”    Yes I have – everything!  Don’t get me started…

This well qualified and very sensible lady said she didn’t want me to tackle gut and diet problems if it was going to make me more stressed.   Not turning down a client but making sure the time was right.   I was impressed.   She was right.  I am having dental work done, getting used to exercising again, we are travelling to Africa shortly, then it is Christmas with the family visits round the country… Put something else into that mix and the result may not be pretty.

Rehab of any sort is a process.  It can be tiring.  It takes energy, focus and commitment.  You can’t wish it away to be at the end.  It is the process that makes the change not looking forever and wistfully at the longed for outcome.  I am always nagging my clients to ‘focus on the process NOT the outcome’. 

I am on the way to rehabilitating my mind, body, gut and spirit… I am on a new journey.  One step at a time.  

I will let you know how it goes!

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what do I ‘do’?

I am in the process of re-organising my files, books, papers, computer files and all the material I have collected over the last 16 years in this home, plus the ‘stuff’ that came with me in the previous four moves.

I always find it hard to make up a file title let alone a snappy title for an article, blog piece or book.  Definitions of words have to be checked out for my ideas and they can often give a clue to something quite profound.

My journal writing files are full of typed documents, scribbling, sketches, photos, film clips and music.  How did someone who wasn’t much of a writer at school come to begin pouring out poetry and prose when I was coming up for thirty years old?

Therapy.  Therapeutic. Downloading swirling emotions into words and drawings and onto pages. Better out than in.  Better than clogging up my inner world.

I found this link whilst trawling the internet: http://welldoing.org/article/expressive-writing-for-mental-wellbeing

It was a blog post published Feb 27, 2015 by Dennis Relojo with tags of  anxiety, creativity, depression, wellbeing.
I get anxious, depressed, I am creative and am attempting some form of wellbeing by writing to aid my mental health.
Thank you Dennis Relojo for being able to explain what I ‘do’ and what I have been doing for 35 years!

 

 

recommended: To Let Go Takes Love – a beautiful poem about the power of letting go
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recommended: To Let Go Takes Love – a beautiful poem about the power of letting go

This is one of my most treasured poems and has helped me through many times when I wanted to cling on to someone, something, or some aspect of myself that needed to change. Charles Swindoll’s book The Grace Awakening was a revelation to me when I first read it years ago. It is one I try and re-read every so often just to make sure I am living Grace-fully to myself and others.