Personal development

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Analysis Paralysis under the duvet

My duvet – the one I was under..

Packing…errands…sorting… exercise… healthy eating choices…

communications… personal development… professional work…

Aarrgghhhh! Back under the duvet…

 

 

 

I began to think, “I can’t stay here all day!”   So I Googled how I felt (as you do)… Came up with this blog by Becky Kane:

The Science of Analysis Paralysis: How Overthinking Kills Your Productivity & What You Can Do About It

https://blog.todoist.com/2015/07/08/analysis-paralysis-and-your-productivity/

A good read,  well placed resarch to back up the article, great visuals, and…

Practical suggestions of how to overcome the problem.  Excellent!

One that really helps me is this tip:

“The next time you catch yourself thinking over a particularly issue again and again, schedule a meeting with a coworker, supervisor, mentor, or friend.”

Sometime if I am on my own, and paralysed by ‘all this to do’ I will write to myself.  Writing to God is even more helpful. Did  you know He likes conversations as well as prayers?  Well, He does.

My husband, Brian, is a master of thinking simply – no he’s not ‘simple’!  He is able to clarify what needs to be done and then does it.  I am the more creative thinker and communicator but can be stymied by overthinking.  If he is around, then I can present my ‘all this to do’ frantic thinking and obtain his simplicity of thought.

Blog writing is good for people like me.  So much going on in my brain how to start an article, that book, that project…  Never get round to it.  But a blog? I can take the Nike approach:  just do it!

Another of Kate’s tips:

Structure your day for the things that matter most.

Hmm… Ah!  Get up and get going!

Just about to get out from under the duvet…

Have a good day everyone!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Boiling frog syndrome… Yup, I got hot (or why I need to rehab myself).

It is true – it IS a psychological syndrome!  who knew!  I shouldn’t be cynical – I am still a psychologist.

The story of how the poor amphibian was enjoying its tepid bath and stayed so long it didn’t notice the water getting hotter and hotter until it was boiling alive, is also termed a ‘parable’ by Wiki wonderland.   If the frog was thrown into the boiling water it would jump out.

This syndrome or parable came to my mind when I realised that I was having health and well-being issues again.  I didn’t see how bad it had become till I was struggling enough to call a halt and shout help so I could ‘rehab’ my self and my life.

It was just easier for me to just keep going enough to manage the stresses and strains of impending relocation,  possible retirement, spouse’s health issues, adult children needing support, poorly grandchildren.  I had already stepped down from one on one counselling or coaching so at least in that I had identified I wasn’t functioning at the level I had been.

Changing seasons in the UK mean changing the type of clothes you wear. The cottons and linens get put away or kept somewhere on hand in case of a winter sun getaway. Sandals make way for boots and heavy shoes.  It was the fitted winter clothes that were far too tight around the middle that alerted me to exactly how much my girth had increased.

Most of us know these days that a real ‘baddie’ is fat round your middle.  Even when I was thinner I didn’t have much of a waist but when even jeggings get hard work to put on… well….

I know the theory of healthy living.  I watch documentaries, have studied the biological basis of psychology, human physiology.  I have been a returner to a certain weight watching program, counting whatever points they say I should.  The latter has changed over the years as updated research on weight loss suggests different balances for proteins, fats and sugars can assist in losing the pounds.

It is the stress and pressure that sends me into the mindset of ‘survival at all costs mode never mind the flippin’ points and I havent got time to go to the loo let alone exercise’. Just bring on the tea and cake – now!  I need to keep going…

It is generally agreed that some stress is good.  I have known someone get ill from a kind of boredom sickness.  No motivation and not enough to interest them in life.  I know that we get good input from being active and gaining achievements.  I am also aware that that needs to be balanced with feeling connected, being a part of something and giving yourself comfort and care.

This balance is very well described by Paul Gilbert, who wrote The Compassionate Mind and Compassion Focussed Therapy.   Likewise, ‘moderation in all things’ is one of those quotes where “I hear what you are saying” but struggle to implement the concept in my life.

I am just not designed that way.  I have a neurodiverse profile, a quick mind, I see things in insights, am better at leaping forwards towards a perceived outcome than following a process.  I take it up with God on a regular basis: “You made me this way!”   He smiles back and almost winks, “Yes, but I didn’t design the lifestyle you have apparently chosen.”

Did I choose the way I have been living, or, like my poor friend the frog, did I just let it get hotter and hotter till it was scalding me?

In moving house, as well as all my books and papers, I can see that I have brought my “stressed lifestyle” choices with me.

I have more things to sort out post move, but not things or stuff.  Rather, what choices and habits do I keep and what do I dump?  What needs a fresh approach, a change of mindset?

These questions are all part of the ‘rehab’ process… and I need to remember it is a PROCESS.  I cannot leap to the end but will walk the path step by step, seeking to enjoy each one.

Enjoy your path and journey!  See you later …

 

 

 

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Rehab – no no no!

Okay don’t panic folks – life rehab not drugs.  Although many things that seem innocuously themselves,  I may use as crutches during difficult times: decaf coffee, red bush tea, low cal breakfast bars,  quaffing grapes (raw and a glass of the fermented type with dinner), reading improving books, educational TV documentaries, going to church, listening to spiritual development teaching…  

It is all about balance and I have gotten out of balance. 

Rehabilitation has many connotations – mostly negative.  Sadly Amy Winehouse, writer of the song of my title,  didn’t manage life balance or rehabilitation.  Tragic waste of talent in her life cut short.  I spent two weeks on an arthritis and joint problem rehab course January two years ago.  Life got so busy  and intense after that I didn’t really get the benefit I should have.  My outcome wasn’t as final as Amy’s but I did end up much where I started.

Since then many loose ends have been tidied up: best beloved has two new hips and a resorted eye lens, we have sold up and moved house, I have retired and come out of retirement into consultancy and writing again.  Another grandchild arrived to bring the total to 16 – 8 of each sort now.   We are delighted with our new home (a separate office for him and me – most important), its location on the coast, the ease of living in a house designed for modern living.  Yes, we loved the Old Toll House and using it as a retreat facility.  However the older grandchildren were getting larger and the smaller ones more mobile and I needed to keep an eye and ear out for them.  A more open plan downstairs became essential.  A larger kitchen helped with the irritation of, ‘you’re in my space again!’

However the time of transition and changes have left me with dodgy joints, an overweight unfit body and the old anxiety and stress levels have risen…  

I recognise it is time to mentally’roll my sleeves up’: get back to the remedial exercises, start swimming and Pilates again, remember to take vitamin D supplements (there seems to be a genetic tendency to get low on this baby) and then address the dreaded Irritable Bowel Syndrome.  I researched the nutritional issues which may be upsetting the gut causing the dreaded bloating and mid section weight gain of stress and hormone related IBS.

The nutritionalist lady I spoke to asked, 

“When were you first diagnosed?”  Can you believe over 30 years ago!  

“Have I tried …. ”    Yes I have – everything!  Don’t get me started…

This well qualified and very sensible lady said she didn’t want me to tackle gut and diet problems if it was going to make me more stressed.   Not turning down a client but making sure the time was right.   I was impressed.   She was right.  I am having dental work done, getting used to exercising again, we are travelling to Africa shortly, then it is Christmas with the family visits round the country… Put something else into that mix and the result may not be pretty.

Rehab of any sort is a process.  It can be tiring.  It takes energy, focus and commitment.  You can’t wish it away to be at the end.  It is the process that makes the change not looking forever and wistfully at the longed for outcome.  I am always nagging my clients to ‘focus on the process NOT the outcome’. 

I am on the way to rehabilitating my mind, body, gut and spirit… I am on a new journey.  One step at a time.  

I will let you know how it goes!

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Moving house… Repotting… New paths

Some years ago, a prophet type person spoke about us being ‘repotted’ when we relocated.   I have a camellia in a pot that needs to be repotted and I feel sorry for he poor thing as I have left it too long.  The roots are hugging the pot so tight it is going to really hurt when they are separated.   Will it be like that for me?

I took this photo below over a year ago when I was walking in the lanes near to Beauty From Ashes, a Christian Retreat run by a delightful lady called Jennifer Rees Larcombe.  I hadn’t walked this way before, it was unfamiliar – a new path.  I had a sense of adventure looking at flowers,  hedges, trees, hearing birdsong and, on this day, feeling the sun warming me up.

an unfamiliar path to walk

I haven’t yet translated that sense of adventure to getting to our new home.  It has been hassles for me – organisation, planning what to do and when,  waiting on other people …  I admit I am not at my best in the time before a large enterprise.  I am fine when the thing is upon me and I can roll my sleeves up and do the stuff!

The to-ing and fro-ing of solicitors letters and searches and documents to be signed and witnessed has frozen my brain today.  I have a list of thing I need to do but am taking time out from what seems like ‘moving the deckchairs on the Titanic’ – I do stuff but nothing much seems to make any difference!

Sitting on my bed, writing this, the sun streaming through the window, I get that sense of excitement despite ‘all this to do’ going on in my brain.  New memories to make, a house to be creatively designed and mounded into OUR home,  more people to welcome, new paths to walk – this time close to the sea.

There may be some shifting of my roots as we relocate and the furniture and bits and pieces that make up our lives are removed and transported.   At least I don’t have to worry about how everything will fit into the new place which is quite spatio us.

As our son cheekily said,

“Well you know, Mum, you don’t need to worry: you aren’t downsizing so         you can take all your crap with  you!”

I trust he means chattels and furnishings rather than my anxieties and holdings on to things…  Thanks dear Son for lightening the mood 😉

 

 

 

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“Never mind dear, learn to type.”

first typewriter lookalike

My education had to stop when I was 15 as our single parent and elderly person household was not able to manage without a little more income.

In preparation for NOT going to 6th form at the Ilminster Girls’ Grammar School, I was advised by my head teacher (wonderful but scary woman) to take typing and shorthand lessons and get some sort of qualification suitable for a working class young woman of slender means.

I remember the strain of carting my typewriter – similar to that in the photograph – across Chard, typing for the evening and then carrying it back home.   I did get both 25 and 35 wpm RSA typing certificates.  Shorthand – it didn’t happen. English is a struggle and being dyslexic and dyspraxia means that any symbols do not dig themselves into my memory very well.  It was the same with music theory…

However,  I am very glad indeed that I did get typing lessons as well as exercise for my bicep muscles.  Touch typing is a great skill to have in this computer age.  Upgrading to 60 wpm audio typing also got me a job when I desperately needed to put groceries on the table. That speed wasn’t achieved on an upright typewriter I hasten to add!

Computers have also supported me in my quest in my mid forties to upgrade my education.  Various software programmes have helped me organise myself, remember things and be able to get my thoughts out in some semblance of clarity.  Although being rather unhinged when numbers and arithmetic come into things, I took like a duck to water on the software for analysing social sciences data and I loved the graphics I could produce to visually explain my findings.    Nowadays, I can even speak into the computer and it types up my words (although my lingering Somerset accent with  soft consonants and broad vowels gives it a few puzzles…).  I still prefer to type though – I don’t misunderstand myself.

Out of need, in my late twenties, I learned the therapeutic value of writing out my frazzled emotions and tangled thoughts.  In the last five years or so my fingers and hands have decided to become tiresomely lacking in strength making it difficult for me to keep my hand-written journals. Hyper-mobile joints with lax tendons and ligaments rather than arthritic stiffness is the problem apparently. I have adjusted to writing my journal notes straight onto a keyboard with those touch typing skills coming into their own yet again.

I must admit that am glad that I do not have to haul a huge upright typewriter around with me anymore. It was hard when I was a teenager let alone now I am approaching my mid-sixties! I have a smallish bag with my iPhone, iPad, Bluetooth keyboard, various chargers and wifi equipment.

I remain grateful for the advice given to my 15 year old self, although I don’t think my head teacher expected me to go any farther than the typing pool and certainly not to a doctorate and private psychology practice!

 

 

 

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what do I ‘do’?

I am in the process of re-organising my files, books, papers, computer files and all the material I have collected over the last 16 years in this home, plus the ‘stuff’ that came with me in the previous four moves.

I always find it hard to make up a file title let alone a snappy title for an article, blog piece or book.  Definitions of words have to be checked out for my ideas and they can often give a clue to something quite profound.

My journal writing files are full of typed documents, scribbling, sketches, photos, film clips and music.  How did someone who wasn’t much of a writer at school come to begin pouring out poetry and prose when I was coming up for thirty years old?

Therapy.  Therapeutic. Downloading swirling emotions into words and drawings and onto pages. Better out than in.  Better than clogging up my inner world.

I found this link whilst trawling the internet: http://welldoing.org/article/expressive-writing-for-mental-wellbeing

It was a blog post published Feb 27, 2015 by Dennis Relojo with tags of  anxiety, creativity, depression, wellbeing.
I get anxious, depressed, I am creative and am attempting some form of wellbeing by writing to aid my mental health.
Thank you Dennis Relojo for being able to explain what I ‘do’ and what I have been doing for 35 years!

 

 

recommended: To Let Go Takes Love – a beautiful poem about the power of letting go
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recommended: To Let Go Takes Love – a beautiful poem about the power of letting go

This is one of my most treasured poems and has helped me through many times when I wanted to cling on to someone, something, or some aspect of myself that needed to change. Charles Swindoll’s book The Grace Awakening was a revelation to me when I first read it years ago. It is one I try and re-read every so often just to make sure I am living Grace-fully to myself and others.

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A Work In Progress

Beautiful as it is, yet an unfinished work. (artist Nicki Hodges)

Beautiful as it is, yet an unfinished work. (artist Nicki Hodges)

It has been a long time since I published a blog post. How do I feel about that? Not great: ‘Oughts’, ‘shoulds’ and other demanding words come to mind when I think of the long gap.

I gaze at this picture I have on my wall at home and think again. I am on a journey, I am being ‘me’ as I travel.

How many of us feel ‘okay’ about ourselves, the way we are and our achievements? How many berate themselves for what they are not or have not done? Can’t we see what a marvelous work of creation we are and how much we do achieve, sometimes against tough odds?

“Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome.” Arthur Ashe

Enjoy being you and enjoy your journey.

Fellow traveller,

Sharman

Photograph of painting copyright Sharman Jeffries 2015

Majestic wonder

Majestic

Photograph Vancouver sunset taken by Rob Newey http://www.robneweymusic.com. February 2014.

Seeing this scene filled me with awe at the majesty of nature, but also the technical skill that Rob employed in composing and taking this shot. He is a skilled and talented musician and song writer who also has this creative talent.

The shot is artistically beautiful and well composed with a clarity in the photograph difficult to attain. The colour combinations and the texture of the trees and mountains, the movement in the sky was thrilling. Just to meditate and stop to gaze at this picture took me out of myself and my little world of doings and endless ‘stuff’.

On another level, Vancouver was a special place for me as it was where my long lost half brother had grown up. We met when he was 33 and I was 44. I went to visit with him in this country that my mother and I weren’t taken to by my father when he emigrated. Years ago of course…. I was three when he left.

Crossing the border from USA to Canada was a watershed in that I had been given to believe I wasn’t legally allowed to go into Canada. Funny how things can come into your mind that aren’t at all true! I wonder who put that thought there… Hmm.

So, I may have grown up a Canadian had things been different. Would I have been so impressed by the countryside and scenic beauty of the land had I lived their always? Do I remember to look at the South Downs where we live and appreciate what is around me?

A reminder to me : Embrace all you see Sharman and let it into your soul and spirit so your body may vibrate with the wonder of it all.

A place of serenity, cleansing and escape.

A place of serenity and escape.

A South Coast Beach ( taken by Steve Jenkins): we all need a place to go to ‘be’, to think, to explore our inner world. Living near one of these beaches 15 years ago, the beach was that place for me and for our children. They still come down here from wherever they are living now and recall those times of hanging with friends, chilling, crying, escaping from being ‘grounded’.

All my senses loved the place: the salty smell, the sounds of lapping waves and seagulls calling on a calm day or the crashing of rollers at high tide on a stormy night, could all match my mood and draw me inside myself.

Such a vivid place could also draw out the emotions I didn’t realise were lurking beneath my surface and, as the seaweed and rubbish werer left visible after the storms and tides, so were my deep hurts, confusions and pains.

The cleansing and visibility of what needed to be revealed, no longer stored up clogging my emotions and thinking, would leave a peace, freshness and joy.

It is probably time for me to take a trip there again or to find another such place…

Maybe it is ALWAYS time?